Article: 255666 of rec.arts.books.tolkien Path: news.uchicago.edu!news-hog.berkeley.edu!ucberkeley!news.maxwell.syr.edu!feeder.qis.net!sn-xit-02!supernews.com!postnews1.google.com!not-for-mail From: <<>> (David Sulger) Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Etext Book V, Chapter 7 Date: 18 Oct 2001 11:19:36 -0700 Organization: http://groups.google.com/ Lines: 170 Message-ID: <3ac4908.0110181019.3f22158b@posting.google.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: 4.54.55.32 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Trace: posting.google.com 1003429176 27987 127.0.0.1 (18 Oct 2001 18:19:36 GMT) X-Complaints-To: groups-abuse -aaatt- google -daht- com NNTP-Posting-Date: 18 Oct 2001 18:19:36 GMT Xref: news.uchicago.edu rec.arts.books.tolkien:255666 alt.fan.tolkien:81849 As promised, here's the next chapter of the e-text. It probably isn't the funniest off all the chapters, but the original is one of the darkest chapters in LotR, and I was going for more plot development than actual humor. I'm not going to say much about it, except that Pipsqueak becomes pretty important by the end of the chapter. Book V, Chapter 7 The Tribunal of Denethor The Leech-king withdrew, blistering the air with curses. At that moment, the Haug finally started up again and Gandalf revved the engine, preparing to ride through the gate. Pipsqueak panicked and ran in front it, nearly getting squashed by the tires. "What the hell are you doing?" screamed Gandalf. "You nearly got us both killed! Besides, is it not a law in the City that those who wear the sailor's shirt must stay in the Citadel?" "Denethor (tm) has gone mad!" cried Pipsqueak. "He's raving about angels or something!" Gandalf looked through the Gate, and already on the field he heard the sound of dancing. He clenched his fist and hoped that the Nazdaq wouldn't steal his entire audience. "I must go. The Leech-king is a broad and he will yet bring the culture of Mordor upon us," he said. "But Ariellė!" cried Pipsqueak. "She is still alive, and they will gas her if we don't stop them!" "She is alive?" asked Gandalf. "What are you talking about? Be quick!" "Denethor (tm) has gone to the tombs, and he has taken Ariellė, and he said life is a gas, and he's waiting for the angels or something. Can't you save her?" Gandalf muttered something about working right with his plans, and why should he leave, which Pipsqueak didn't hear. Pipsqueak tugged on Gandalf's robes and cried, "Don't just stand there, please hurry!" "I will come," said Gandalf. "If Ariellė is truly alive, then I'll have to do something about that." Then he turned the Haug around and raced up the streets of Minas Tirith (tm). Then as they approached the slopes of Mount Minnie, the streets got to narrow for the Haug, and Gandalf left it behind. Coming to the green door Gandalf passed through it and went down the garbage-strewn road that lead to the House of the Stewards. Once they reached the House, Gandalf sprang up the steps. "What is this madness, Denethor? (tm)" he exclaimed. "The houses of the dead are no place for the living. Where is your daughter, Ariellė?" "Madness?" replied Denethor (tm). "I am not mad, Mesprendeur. I feigned insanity so your friend would bring you here. And here you will be tried for your crimes against Gondor (tm). We may be doomed, but I will make sure you pay the price for dooming us." Then the room lit up with lights and Gandalf saw that he had indeed been decieved. This was no chamber of the dead, or even cryogenically preserved heads, but a courtroom. "A trial?" he asked in a sneering tone of voice. "For what? I have committed no crimes." "No crimes?" replied Denethor (tm). "Mesprendeur, you are charged with treason, two counts of murder, attempted murder, conspiracy, and a host of other assorted offenses." "You have no proof," snorted Gandalf. Suddenly Denethor (tm) laughed, and leaped onto a bench. He reachd under his robes and drew out a Palantarium. Pipsqueak gazed at in amazment, for it was smaller than the Palantarium which was given to Aragon, though he did not now that this was the famed Laptop Palantarium of which many legends tell. Then, activating the Valatilė software that had been installed on the Palantarium, Denethor (tm) began to project some images on a screen behind him. Pipsqueak gazed upon it with wonder, but Gandalf began to feel uneasy about and hoped fervently that the uneasiness did not show on his shifty face. "Do I not know thee, Mesprendeur?" laughed Denethor (tm). "So! With the left hand you would use me to further your own twisted goals, and with the right bring up this Ranger of the North to supplant me." The image on the screen focused, and Pipsqueak saw that it was Aragon, at the Falls of Rauros. He claimed to Giggly and Lego-lass that Boromir (tm) was dead, and then kicked the warrior to shut him up when he protested. "So your pawn tried to eliminate my son, no doubt on your orders, but it didn't work. Boromir (tm) lived." Then the image wavered and shifted, now showing Boromir(tm) travelling through the Dead Marshes. "Luckily for me, your Ranger requires a short leash; everytime you let him out of your sight, he always botches your plans up." Then the image shifted again, showing Boromir (tm) falling in a hail of bullets, and then coming back to life in the Passages of the Dead, with a goofy-looking face which Aragon had given him. "I don't know what kind of sick game Aragon is playing, but he will find becoming king to be difficult, if Boromir (tm) still lives. Let's move on." The image wavered again, and then it showed Gandalf talking to Aragon at Deem's Help. They spoke in the words of Auld High Elvish, which few in the courtroom understood, but the footage had been edited with subtitles so everyone would know what was being said. As everyone in the courtroom listened to the conversation, sweat began beading on Gandalf's forehead. "What else does he have in that cursed thing?" he thought. Then Denethor (tm) spoke again. "So here we have proof from your own mouth of your treasonous conspiracy to overthrow the lawful government of Gondor (tm)." Gandalf decided it was time to start bluffing. "Ha!" he said. "Who hear actually understands Auld High Elvish? For all anyone knows, Aragon and I could have been discussing barbecue recipies to share with the Rohirrim!" Denethor (tm) smiled at him mirthlessly. "I have more evidence to present to the court, Mesprendeur." Then the image shifted to the foot of Eyesore in Isengard. Gandalf faced a number of accusations, each worse then the others. At length he lost his composure, and then killed Aruman. "What the hell?" wondered Pipsqueak to himself. "That's not how I remember it at all!" But then it all started coming back to him, and he eyed Gandalf fearfully, edging away from him. While Pipsqueak was remembering what _really_ happened at Deem's Help, Denethor went on. "Aruman discovered your plot and exposed you Gandalf, and so you killed him and tried to cover everything up. That's the first count of murder. As for attempted murder:" The screen then went dark; it was night in Pipsqueak's bedchamber. Gandalf loomed over Pipsqueak's bed, preparing to smother him with a pillow, stopped only by the reporters which entered the room a moment later. "After your companion revealed the existance of Aragon, you tried to kill him, fearing what else he might expose. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, Mesprendur, since the Palantarium sees everything." Gandalf had in the meantime had been biting his nails nervously and had given himself a manicure. Denethor (tm) paid him no heed. "As for the second count of murder," he continued. The screen shifted to the rout from Disgiliath, just before the Siege began. "Everyone believes Ariellė was shot by a Souhron during the retreat, but the Palantarium caught what really happened." The screen shifted to Forlong's rescue. Gandalf was riding with them. As Forlong tried to convince Ariellė that she had to leave, Gandalf looked around, and then pulled a gun out from under his robes and shot her in the back. No one noticed in all of the confusion and chaos. "You arranged the death of Boromir (tm) and shot Ariellė yourself to make sure that Dr Faramir would succeed me, since you've already bribed him heavily to follow you. Ever since Sauron captured you and paid you off at Dol Guldur, you've been plotting the downfall of the House of Hurin. You may have succeeded, but you will not live to enjoy your success." Then Gandalf knew he had no other recourse. He popped a canister of tear gas out from under his robes. As everyone coughed and choked, he knocked Pipsqueak out, and drawing a knife stabbed everyone else in the room. Then he headed through a small door in the back to the boiler room and rigged it to blow. He raced out of the House and up the garbage-strewn streets just as the city was rocked by an explosion. He looked behind him and saw the remains of the House of Stewards, now gutted with roaring flames. "That should take care of the evidence," he said to himself. All that survived the explosion was the Palantarium, but all the incriminating data had been destroyed in the explosion, and it was said afterwards that anyone who looked into it saw only the logo of Gondor (tm): a large black circle topped with two smaller black circles. Before waking Pipsqueak up, Gandalf casted a spell of forgetfulness over Pipsqueak and gave him some false memories to cover up what had happened. But in his haste and nervousness, he forgot a key incantation. He shook Pipsqueak awake. "What happened?" Pipsqueak asked. "Where am I?" "Alas!" said Gandalf. "He lost his mind, and blew up the House of the Stewards in his despair. I barley managed to save you." "I see," said Pipsqueak carefully. Now that his head was starting to clear, he remembered what happened in the courtroon, and realized that he had to be careful and keep his mouth shut if he was to stay alive. They continued on toward the Citadel, and then heard a great voice shout, "Wedgiiii!" Gandalf hurried over to the wall and saw what happened. "What was that?" asked Pipsqueak. "It would seem that the great Tenor of our enemies has been destroyed," he said, "but not without grievous pain, for from this deed will arise a great flame war. So long has the reach of Sauron become. And now I see how his will was able to enter this city. Sauron must have taken the Palantarium from Minas Goofy. Using that stone, he must have set up a chat room, where he made his foul plans with Denethor (tm), and probably Aruman as well. Gandalf looked over the wall again, and saw that Aragon had arrived. "Now I must go down to the field to greet Aragon and Eonard. Come with me!" Pipsqueak followed quietly. He hoped Gandalf's plans hadn't doomed Frodo, and that working class hobbit, what was his name? Sandy? It didn't matter. Pipsqueak knew he was the only one who could save them all.