Article: 214741 of rec.arts.books.tolkien Path: uchinews!news-hog.berkeley.edu!ucberkeley!enews.sgi.com!newsfeed1.funet.fi!newsfeeds.funet.fi!nntp.inet.fi!central.inet.fi!inet.fi!read2.inet.fi.POSTED!not-for-mail From: "Morgil" <<>> Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien Subject: E-text: Book III, chapter II Lines: 334 X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.5 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.3110.3 Message-ID: Date: Mon, 24 Jul 2000 22:16:57 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 194.142.87.9 X-Trace: read2.inet.fi 964477017 194.142.87.9 (Tue, 25 Jul 2000 01:16:57 EET DST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 25 Jul 2000 01:16:57 EET DST Organization: Sonera corp Internet services Xref: uchinews rec.arts.books.tolkien:214741 I guess this is the best I can do, so here goes: BOOK III, CHAPTER II: "THE RAIDERS OF ROHAN" /Merciful Elbereth, is this the end of Little Arwen?/ The annoying but loverable Elven Warrior Princess was travelling towards Gondor(tm), but had lost her way in the marshes of Ment- wash vale. The fog surrounded her from all sides, and with every step she was in danger to be swallowed by the bog. She had been forced to abandon all her packings, and her strength was diminishing quickly. Finally she collapsed on a small isle in the middle of the marshes. She knew that she could go on no more. The Marshes of Mentwash vale had defeated her. Then an image came to her mind, like a foresight at the moment of Death; Aragon holding hands with a blond Human-Girl, tall and well-equipped one too- with sword and all. And suddenly she felt her strength returning. She forced herself to rise and cursed in an ancient, forgotten tongue: /Tega me borne rosa!/ With her newly found determination, she continued her dangerous journey, and soon she came across such a stroke of luck, which no-one could have expected. Aragon knew all was lost. He couldnīt find the trail of Orcs, and soon his companions were sure to discover this. After that nobody would take him seriously ever again. Who could have guessed tracking would turn out to be so difficult? But there was nothing to be done. The hills of Emyn Mail had defeated him. But in his most desperate hour, he came across such a stroke of luck... Well anyway, he was examining the ground, trying to look as he knew what he was doing, when: "Oh, lookie! There are some dead Orcs up ahead," cried Lego- Lass. Aragon sprang to his feet and gazed to the direction Lego-Lass was pointing. And lo! Indeed there was a bunch of dead orcs lying in a pile. He went forward to investigate, and others followed him. Five dead orcs lay there, brutally slain, severed limbs and heads spreaded around them. The ground was wet with their dark blood, but there was no telling if the blood had been red earlier. "What do you think happened here?" said Giggly. "It looks like thereīs been a quarrel among Orcs," said Aragon. "Itīs not uncommon among these foul creatures to have flaming debates about issues like Balrogs wings and it usually ends up to this. These five are all northern Orcs who claim Balrogs donīt have wings. It appears, they lost this round." "Serves them right for speaking such nonsense," declared Lego- Lass. Aragon was about to contridict, when Giggly interrupted him. "Look!" he cried. " A silver magical belt of Elvish fashion like was given to Morrie and Pipsqueak by Galadriel." "Hmm, the Orcs must have noticed they are fakes. . ." "Wait! Thereīs a note attached to it," said Lego-Lass. "It is a message from the Hobbits. The handwriting looks like of 7-year old, so I think itīs from Pipsqueak. Listen! A Message From The Hobbits I am writing to you with the courtesy of the Enemy. We are both alive and well. We are treated decently. Food here is delicious and nurishing. The Orcs are peace-loving and friendly folk, and Their Lord, (S)Aruman only wishes to discuss briefly about our attitude toward his Subpoena and other issues. After this, we shall be released at proper time. DO NOT try to follow us. Weīre having a good time. Really. Be also noted that as it was recently decided, at this place, Balrogs DO have w- No, I wont write that! You canīt make me! No! NO! AAAARGGHHHHH!!!! Everyone fell silent for a while. Finally Aragon spoke. "So, Aruman is behind this as I suspected. Apparently he thinks his name should be written with S. Old fool! "But why doesnīt the letter say anything about Arwen or the other Hobbits? What evil plot is Aruman hatching?" "Yes, and why would anyone write AARGGH, instead of saying it?" "We wont find out by standing here," said Aragon. "Let us hurry!" Fortunately for Aragon, the trail was very clearly marked from there on, and he had no trouble following it to the top of the hills. This was the border wall of Rohan, where the hills of Emyn Mail ended and the green plains of Riddlemark stretched below them to the edge of sight. But Aragon looked to the left, where the White Mountains stood glimmering in the morning sun. "Gondor(tm)! Gondor(tm)!" cried Aragon. "I wish that I could visit your night-clubs again in Happy-Hour! Alas, not yet can I relax. Gondor, Gondor, Gondor! Itīs the country where I liked to be. Between the Mountains and Sea, So near to Mordor, yet so far from Bree. Gondor, Gondor, Gondor! Where the Trading Markets are free. Thereīs a throne and the Silver Tree, And maybe a Crown for Me! Now letīs go before I change my mind!" he said and turned away. The ridge upon which they stood went down steeply in front of them and Aragon was trying to look for the best place to go down, when a shadow, like two wings went pass the sunlight. "Look!" cried Lego-Lass. "A Balrog! A Balrog is flying above us! Ai! Ai!- you know the drill." "Would you stop that already!" said Aragon. "It was just an Eagle." "No, no, it was a Balrog, Iīm sure of that!" insisted Lego-Lass. "It had legs and arms and I think it waved at us when it went by. Oh, this is amazing! To tell you the truth, Iīve sometimes had doubts about it, but now Iīve seen it with my own eyes. A flying Balrog! Oh, what a glorious day!" /Oo-kay. Lego-Lass has gone bye-bye/, thought Aragon. /What an ill fortune, and Iīm already depressed/. After Lego-Lass had calmed down, they made their way down the hillside, but in the halfway Giggly lost his balance and trying to get support from others, he sent the whole threesome rolling down. And so, with a strange suddenness they came together on the grass of Rohan. Lego-Lass took a deep breath and exhaled. "Everything looks so gree-een," she said, blinking her eyes. "Now the real Pursuit begins," declared Aragon. "We shall catch those Orcs, and forever shall our names be remembered among Elves,Humans and Dwerws. Onward, three Predators!" They went in single file, running like hounds on a strong scent of a poor helpless fox, hunted to the pleasure of rich dimwits. Soon however, they had to stop, for they were terribly out of shape and already exhausted. Only Lego-Lass was as perky as ever. Aragon breathed heavily."My lungs are collapsing," he said. "I really should quit smoking pipeweed." "This is a bitter end to all our toil!" said Giggly."At least I hope it is." "To toil maybe, but we can always hope that those Orcs run into some kind of trouble," said Lego-Lass. "Look!" This time there was more then dozen cruelly mutilated Orc-corpses on their path. It looked like many were cut down from behind. "What do you think Aragon?" said Lego-Lass. "Looks like another Balrog-debate." "Not necessarily," said Aragon."Orcs have hundreds of undecided issues to debate and they all can turn into a bloodshed. You know, with some luck these Orcs may yet flame eachother extinct. Anyway, I think itīs clear that we are not going to reach them in time, so from now on, we will take things little more easier." They went on, this time with no rush. Every now and then more Orc- corpses came their way. Giggly and Lego-Lass discovered that counting dead Orcs aloud, seemed to really irritate Aragon. When they made camp for the night, their bodycount was way over fifty. In the middle of the night something mighty queer went on. Aragon was half-asleep, listening voices of Lego-Lass and Giggly. Elf-Maid was persisting something and Giggly was rejecting her, but his objections sounded less and less convincing. Suddenly Aragon seemed to realize that someone was crawling next to him. Then he felt two soft hands touching him gently. Still not sure, was he awake or dreaming, he tried weakly to struggle against, but then he heard a familiar voice whispering softly: "Stop resisting my love, you know you want it. And this is such a good spot for a Love Scene." Aragon wasnīt so sure about it, but then he thought, /Why not. They can always edit it out if need be/. When morning came, all was peaceful again. Aragon woke up still unsure, if he had dreamed the whole thing. Then he noticed a curiously sticky feeling in his pants, but it was only a melted candy- bar he had forgotten in his pocket. Everybody seemed strangely quiet that day, as they walked by the beautiful but empty golf-courses of Rohan. Both Aragon and Giggly were concentrated on their inner thoughts and were paying only a little attention to outside world. Giggly was struggling with major identity crisis. Every now and then his eyes wandered to the figure of the fair Elf-Maid walking in front of him. Desperately he tried to fight the thoughts coming to his mind. /I am not an Elf-Lover/, he kept saying to himself. /Am not, am not, am not! Itīs just the pressure of the journey getting to me. Itīs like beeing in the sea for many months without a sight of a Lady-Dwarf. It would happend to anyone! I am just like all others, a healthy normal Dwarf-Guy, keen on Dwerrow-Lasses. Thatīs right, definetly right. Beard is sexy, beard is sexy, beard is sexy, oh Oolee look at those legs!/ /Who the heck was killing all those Orcs?/ Aragon was thinking to himself. /Were they really just fighting with themselves? Or was there a group of Riders attacking them? And who molested me last night or was it just a dream?/ The questions kept bouncing around his head, until he came up with most unsuspected answer. /Arwen! What if Boromir had been lying when he said Arwen was captured too? Maybe she came to the place later and thinking they had gone to Gondor(tm), followed them. And then she could have found an Eagle, willing to give her a lift right here! And with her magic boots she could have moved around fast enough to kill the Orcs and then to seduce him last night! Thatīs probably what had happened/. Then he came to his senses and shook his head in despair. It was simply too far fetched. Not believable at all! Truth was that Arwen was a helpless prisoner of merciless Orcs without a chance of escape, and he was equally incapable of helping her. Tears burned in his eyes, as he walked along without seeing anything. Only Lego-Lass seemed free of all care, walking with a delicated grace over the grasslands, singing softly some less-known Elven- songs about interracial love-affairs. Two more days went by this way. Nobody came to Aragon at night- time, but dead Orcs still kept blocking the path regulaly. Then, on the fourth day of their "pursuit", a thunderous roar of galloping hoofs awoken them from their afternoon /siesta/. Aragon yawned and streched himself. "Lego-Lass be a dear and check out whoīs coming," he said lazily. "Well, there seems to be a group of Riders coming our way," said the Elf-Maid. "Four scores and seven of them, to be exact. They are tall, yellow haired humans and their leader is. . .is. . . Oh cīmon! This is getting ridiculous!" The others sprang to their feet. They gazed at the approaching horsemen, trying to see what had so upset Lego-Lass. Soon it became obvious to them also. The Riders formed a circle around the three companions. Then the Leader rode forward and halted in front of them. "Suprised to see me?" she asked. "Not much, Eowynn," said Aragon. "It should have been clear to everyone that you were not going to settle for being dropped to second place in the upcoming movie." Eowynn, who by the way was a great-looking, six foot tall blonde, tried to look as innocent as she could. "I donīt know what youīre talking about," she said. "There were some Orcs running around our courses and they needed to be taken care of. I only came because my brother Eonerd was busy trying to get Cable Connection fixed." "You mean...?" "Just that! Ever since that horse came back from Gandalf, itīs been completely off-line. But enough of that. It seems that somebody went up ahead and already killed most of the Orcs, so I guess Iīll have to settle to you. Here! You are illegally tresspassing the Green Fields of Rohan(r). Do you have anything to say, before we run you over?" Giggly stepped forward. "I have something to say to you, Horse- Lady," he said and his dark eyes flashed. "Well?" A short pause... "Please donīt kill us! Pleeease! Iīll do anything! Did you hear? Anything!" Eowynn looked at the Dwarf and shivered. "I think I`ll pass that," she said. "Prepare to die!" "Uh, did I mention that I am Aragon son of Arathon, Elessar the Elvenstone and the Heir of Isildur?"said Aragon quickly."If you should concider letting us go, I could make it worthwhile to you as soon as I get my Kingdom back." "Hmm, letīs see if we can work out an agreement," said Eowynn. Eowynn dismounted, and she and Aragon walked a little bit away from the others. Eowynn looked quickly that no-one was close enough to hear them. "Can you get me a Green Card?" she said to Aragon. "As a King, you can surely pull a few strings and get it arranged." "What?!" "I wanna move to Gondor(tm)," Eowynn explained. "I donīt want to spend my whole life, living among these bagpipe-playing rednecks. I am a modern, independent woman and I have other ambitions beside riding around and tending golf-courses. But I need the Working-Licence so that I can start my own business in Gondor(tm). Can you get me one?" "Uh, Iīm afraid, thatīs the one thing not even a King can do. Those Gondorians have strong feelings about immigration. If I tried some- thing like that, I would have Revolution in my hands within a week." "Then there is no hope for me," said Eowynn bitterly. "Sigh. I might as well ride into battle to seek Death." "Well, there is *one* way, of course," said Aragon."I could arrange you a Convenial Marriage with some Gondorian. Then youīd have no problem getting the Green Card. But first you have to get your- self to Gondor(tm) somehow, and thatīs not going to be easy." "I guess I could do that," said Eowynn after hesitation. "But it has to be someone with social status. A Lawyer maybe. Or a Doctor." "So, it is settled then?" said Aragon. Eowynn looked intensely at the man standing in front of her. And suddenly she could see the great strength and royality that was concealed inside his bit overweight and slobbish body, like a V6- engine under the hood of a T-model Ford. She took a hold of his hands, and he felt that she trembled at the touch. "Why donīt you marry me then?" she said, looking deeply in his eyes. "And not just for cover-up, for I can see that we were ment for each other. Come with me to the Edoras-City and we can have our wedding right away." "Eowynn, you are a beautiful and desirable woman," said Aragon carefully. "Alas, my heart belongs to another! And since she was a prisoner of those Orcs, we both were pursuing, I must go and seek her." "But your quest is a hopeless one. If she was with the Orcs, when we surrounded the last of them near the Forest, she was probably killed and burned with others. Um, sorry about that..." "Nevertheless, I must see it with my own eyes," said Aragon. Then something less important came to his mind. "You didnīt by chance, happened to find a Ring, did you? A nice golden thing, in a chain. No, huh? Oh, it was nothing important." "I am saddened by this," said Eowynn. "But if this is your choice, I will accept it. But promise me, that you will come to Edoras-City, when your quest is over." Thus agreeing they parted. As a part of their agreement, Eowynn borrowed them the three spare horses, but for some reason Lego- Lass and Giggly wanted to ride on a same horse. They took the third one along anyway, for Arwen and Hobbits (should they find them). When the Riders had disappeared from the sight, Giggly and Lego-Lass wanted to know, how Aragon had been able to convince Eowynn to let them go. "Well, it wasnīt easy," said Aragon modestly. "But when I said to her that /Good and ill have not changed since yesteryear and itīs a manīs part to discern them, /she was so impressed that she agreed to everything I suggested." This made everybody to laugh out loud, as they rode forward in a bright daylight, and Aragon was happy that he managed to avoid any further inquires. Early that evening, they came to the edge of the forest. They found the remains of the great burning, and tried to search the Ring from the ashes, but found nothing. Also, not a single trace could tell them that anyone would have escaped from the battlefield, but we must remember, that Aragon was lousy at woodcraft. Aragon was heartbroken. /Arwen is dead/, he thought hopelessly. /And even though she may one day reincarnate in the West, I will never see her again/. It seemed like all the joy and happiness had left his life, and all that remained was Misery. Then he remembered Eowynn. She was a good-looking babe, and she obviously got the hots for him. Maybe all was not lost after all. "Tomorrow we shall ride to Edoras-City," he said to others. "I have an Indecent Proposal to be made." But during the night their horses were stolen or driven away. Suspicions turned to an Old Man, whom they had seen snooping around the camp, and whom Aragon had called "Uncle" The End of Chapter II Thatīs it. If you want to know what "Tega me Borne Rosa" (not necessarily written that way) means, I suggest you read Rex Stoutīs Nero Wolfe-novel "Over my Dead Body". Morgil