Article: 211157 of rec.arts.books.tolkien Path: uchinews!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!howland.erols.net!outgoing.news.rcn.net.MISMATCH!feed1.news.rcn.net!rcn!wn4feed!worldnet.att.net!135.173.83.20!wnmasters3!bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net.POSTED!not-for-mail Message-ID: <394D1637.C4E49FBF@worldnet.att.net> From: Kent <<>> Reply-To: tokent -aaatt- yahoo -daht- com X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.61 [en] (Win95; I) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 Newsgroups: rec.arts.books.tolkien,alt.fan.tolkien Subject: Book II, chapter 5 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 457 Date: Sun, 18 Jun 2000 18:33:19 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 63.14.30.61 X-Complaints-To: abuse -aaatt- worldnet.att -daht- net X-Trace: bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net 961353199 63.14.30.61 (Sun, 18 Jun 2000 18:33:19 GMT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sun, 18 Jun 2000 18:33:19 GMT Organization: AT&T Worldnet Xref: uchinews rec.arts.books.tolkien:211157 alt.fan.tolkien:35115 And here it is. I did put a goodly amount of time staging the famous battle and then had to start from scratch as Stueard did indeed go somewhere other than I had suspected with his chapter. So this is the best 'pulling it together by the skin of my teeth' I think I've ever done. Thus, all comments will be welcome and are requested as I'm both proud and insecure about how the final product reads. Again, please comment....yes this entirely self-serving . AS for the dreaded Balrog issue, I know some of you are trepidatious about how it will be dealt with. I can assure you I tried to make sure that I took everyone's point of view on this subject, studied up on the texts for myself, searched Deja for relevant info...and tossed all of it completely out the window. Enjoy!! Kent (zipping up his flame-post proof jacket) Butler *********************************************************************** Kent Butler Chapter Five: The Bridge Of Kringle-Dum The Company of the Ring stood silently beside the tomb of Balin. Frodo recalled the Dwarf's visit to Uncle Bilbo long years ago. In the dusty chamber, it seemed a thousand years ago and yet all too near. "You, " started Frodo nonchalantly, "You don't suppose...." tap_taP_tap went the tomb. "Oh, I seriously doubt it," Gandalf chuckled nervously, "Heh....that is..." Tap_tippity_tip_tap. TAP. The company looked about them anxiously and Giggly spied a worn leathern tome half-hidden in a nook. "Gandalf, here!" the Dwarf cried, "see what I've found!" "Ah, excellent, Giggly!" Gandalf rushed to the Dwarf's side, only too happy to put unpleasant surmises out of mind. "This-is-what-a-wizard-is-for-now-let-me-see..Ha, ha....." "But, Gandalf," said Aragon, "what about this tomb?" Tappity_tappity_tap? added the cold stone. "Hmm, yes, very interesting indeed, my good Giggly! Seems to be some sort of log book. Let's see what it says here...it's some kind of runic writing. Good thing I'm here, eh, Giggly? Good at runes, are wizards, eh?" "Gandalf!" Lego-lass threw a small stone at the wizard's back. The Company (minus wizard and Dwarf) were becoming quite annoyed. "Well, seems the roof isn't quite as stable as I thought," Said Gandalf brushing the pebble-dust from his shoulder, "Ah, yes, here we are, Giggly. These are the records of the Taking of Moira." "Think we ought to pry up the stone?" asked Boromir(tm). "I dunno," said Aragon. "What's to lose?" put in Lego-lass. "Our lives," Added Morrie. Lego-lass sighed and the others milled about in indecision. Tap_tip_tip_tap. "Yes, here we are. I can just make out these runes here: *We drove out many goblins from the gate*- then something something, "We have taken Moira for ourselves. Great wealth was found yesterday as we plundered her treasures. Balin is the Master of Moira* -the next few pages seem just to be more innuendo.....AH, here's the last bit-*No more toys! We have toiled long enough for our Elven masters! Though they have used goblins against us, their plans are revealed at last! We have ended our slavery in the Yule toy mines. Revolution! Balin has led us. Long live the fighters!*- more patriotic twaddle here - *Balin has fallen. We are being routed and already the dreaded Master's Drums are heard. Drums, Drums, drums in the deep. Redundancy within redundancy....He is coming...* "A dark end," sighed Giggly. "So it would seem," said Gandalf. "But my mind misgives. What *Master* does the scribe refer to? Elvish sweat-shops and a hidden Master of Moira. Very deep waters indeed, my good Dwarf." Tap_tippity_tap. *Oh will they never hear?* "I fear we must leave at once," announced the wizard to the Company still staring at the *tapping* tomb of Balin. "I feel that we are in grave danger!" "Yes, speaking of *graves*, Master Wizard - " started Boromir(tm). "We've no time! Follow me, all of you!" with that the wizard dashed out of the hall. The others reluctantly filed out after him. Morrie tailed the company and he faintly heard a muffled voice calling desperately from the tomb as he left the hall. *Serves him right!* the Mobster thought to himself. They entered a vast and magnificent hallway. On either side of the hall were incredibly detailed columns carved in the forms of trees that grew upon the mountainside above them. Others had representations of Elves in festive garb and young children with seasonal treats in their hands. In the hundreds, the magnificent posts lined the hallway. The company looked about themselves in awe. Giggly tittered in delight at the work of his fore-fathers. "I know now where we are," said Gandalf, "this is the Hall of Marzipan. We are now very close to the exit we seek. Across the hall and up the long stair and out!" He had hardly uttered these words when there was a great noise: a rolling *Boom* that seemed to come from the direction they had just fled. They sprang to the door and wedged it shut. They heard a noise of many feet and many fell cries coming towards them. Pipsqueak was exhausted. He had climbed the ladder to what seemed a trap-door to a chamber above him. Indeed it was such, but his small arms could not reach far enough to push upon it. He heard the voices of his companions on the other side, but dared not cry out lest he be caught by the patrolling Goblins. In the end he had climbed back down the ladder to fetch the skeletal arm of a Dwarf corpse that had tumbled down that ladder. With many an "Ewww!" he managed to free the bones from the desiccated figure and climb back up the steps. He tapped as loudly as he dared for what seemed eons to his straining muscles. He tried every 'jail code' Morrie had taught him after the Mobster's first *stint in the joint*, but to no answer. Finally, Pipsqueak climbed back down the tall ladder in dismay and fatigue. As he reached the bottom, he heard the staccato tattoo of a war drum and the sound of many goblin voices. Desperately, he looked about him for an exit, but found only dark corners littered with corpses. He made for one of these and dived on top of one and hoped to be mistaken for a dead dwarf. The room filled with marching goblins all making for the ladder. They charged up the steps with evil cries and forced the trap-door open with a resounding *Boom* and poured through high above the quaking hobbit. Last to ascend were two small drummer goblins and on their heels, huge stone Trolls snickering and driving them on with foul words. They had not seen Pipsqueak. After the last of them had gone through the trap-door, Pip cautiously made his way up the ladder. "They are coming!" shouted Lego-lass. *Pah-rum pah, pum-pum* came the drums. The others started for the exit knowing they could never make such a long run ahead of their pursuers. In the middle of the hall, Gandalf turned and struck the floor behind them with his staff. A great fissure opened and with words of incantation (and a healthy dose of spirits from his hat-flask),. the wizard created a great inferno within the crack he had opened. As the flames took hold, the first of the goblins poured through the door. He made straight for Frodo holding aloft a great stick. He hurled it with great might and it struck Frodo square in the chest. Lego-lass gasped and went to him. Aragon waited until the Goblin was just within reach and swept its head from its shoulders with one mighty swing of his sword. Boromir(tm) had also cut down many Goblins as they came near the fissure, but they all retreated as the flames finally came to full life and sprang up in a deadly dance. "Just through here, you say?" asked Arwen, panting audibly. "Yesssssss, precious," replied Gulible,"the guard room you lookss for." "We've been at this for hours!" "Now we wants our reward, naughty little Elf Girl," Gulible slavered in expectation of nubile, immortal flesh at his lips. "Very well, then, Gulible," Arwen stood and unzipped her jerkin. Gulible held his breath. "I have your reward here for you. She reached into the bosom of her jerkin and struck Gulible right in his voonerables with one swift cick from her steel-toed stiletto hiking boots. Swiftly stooping to catch the fainting hobbit lest his fall should rouse unwanted attention, Arwen settled the ancient creature into a nook. With catlike movements, Arwen moved to the door and eased it open. On the other side she saw the backs of two goblins and beyond a great fray before a blazing fire. She drew out two razor thin daggers hidden in her midnight locks and silently sent them into the necks of the goblins before her. They crumpled soundlessly to the floor. Arwen moved forward into a vast hall lined with some truly magnificent columns. In the distant center of the hallway, a great fire blazed and many goblins were milling and shouting before it. *Hmph!* Arwen thought to herself, * 'Guard Room' indeed! That foul hobbit was setting me up.* Arwen moved forward and unsheathed her elven long sword which glowed with white light. She stopped and stared at the blade. *It shouldn't do that,* she thought, *only one of the elder gods would....cause.....* Arwen sprinted into the hall with her heart pounding in dread. "Why did I delay!" cursed Gandalf, "We'll be trapped here just as the Dwarrow were. Run for it, all of you!" Even as the company turned from the fiery blaze that held the goblins in check, others came from separate ends of the hall flanking and pinning them. Boromir(tm) met them in beserker rage and dealt many to death with single, mighty blows of his sword. Giggly hewed two with his stout axe. Aragon joined them and soon the threat was gone in one icky mass at their feet. "Gandalf! See!" cried Lego-lass at Frodo's side. "Is he hurt?" shouted the wizard. "let me see him!" He knelt at the hobbit's side and began searching his chest until checked by Frodo's own hand. "Do not worry, Gandalf," Frodo said, "The ring is safe." "I....I was checking you for wounds! I marvel that you are alive my friend." Frodo eyed the wizard with trained malice and Gandalf smiled sheepishly in return. "See here!", Lego-lass was untying a note from the stick at Frodo's side. The others in the company came to Frodo to see if he was indeed alright. *Bugger*, thought Sam to himself. "We have been served," said Gandalf, "This is a summons from my old master, Aruman/Saruman. He has set up court for the minions of Sauron. It's a subpoena to appear before him and give account of the ring! Damn him!" *Rum Pah-pum, pum* the drums tolled out through the hall. Arwen was almost to the rear of the goblins by the fire and was yet unseen. She drew out her mini-crossbow and fitted the tethered arrow she kept strapped to her left leg. A goblin turned her way and she instinctively fell into a roll to avoid the vicious slash of the goblin's blade. She slashed deep into the goblin's groin with a dagger and came up kneeling, took careful aim at the arched roof, and fired her arrow. It lodged far above and the tether was taught in the handle of the cross bow. She fitted it quickly to her back and whirled her blade behind her just as another goblin was reaching her. Many others were advancing warily towards the elf. Arwen took a handful of Sindarin throwing stars and unleashed them together. Only a few met their mark, but the others did enough of a job distracting the goblins when they exploded with loud *pop*s a second later. The goblins never got to turn back to their quarry, they had each fallen from vicious strokes from the blade of Arwen. The now roused rear flank of goblins by the fire pit advanced upon her. The elf-princess shook her raven, streaming locks from her eyes and braced. Her eyes blazed with emerald light and her heart pounded. In a wild storm of action, she wove a savage, elegant death among the dozen goblins. Her elvish blade sang and crimsoned as her enemies cried and clenched taloned hands to their spilling entrails and cloven joints. A large spear was thrust at Arwen and she danced out of its way, spinning with sword braced high. The goblin's head tumbled to her feet. While other goblins shifted warily eying the warrior-princess, Arwen took the tether in hand, sprinted for all her worth in a wide arc and leapt high when the cord caught tight in her hands. She glided gracefully above her foes and into the recesses of the ceiling. From her vantage point among the pillars of Marzipan, the elf-maid saw the company of the ring below her crouched beside Frodo who had fallen, but gotten up. *There you are, my love*, she thought, beholding Aragon patting the halfling about the shoulders. *Very soon, now. Very soon I will be with you.* But the clear light from her dripping sword caused fear to leap into her throat once again. *Pah, rum-pah, pum-pum.* The company had regrouped and were making for the stair far to the end of the chamber of Marzipan. Across the long stone bridge they fled nearing the stairs that were still a good distance away. The elf warrior covered their escape as best she could. Lego-lass knocked an arrow, but she gave a gasp and it fell to the ground unloosed. Two great trolls appeared by the goblins across the channel of fire bearing large, fell posts. They flung the ugly stone down to serve as a gangway over the flames. But it was not the trolls that filled the elf with terror. The ranks of the goblins opened, and they crowded away, as if they were afraid themselves. What was coming up behind them could not be seen: it was like a great shadow in the middle of which was possibly a man-shape, yet greater. Much greater. A dread power seemed to emanate from it and Sam gulped down the urge to cry out. He looked to Gandalf who had gone ashen as well. The chamber echoed with a bone-shuddering "HO! HO! HO!" The shape came to the edge of the fire and all light faded as if a cloud had gathered. The trolls chanted foul curses at the company of the ring. As if emboldened by their cries, the shadow leapt across the fissure, flames roared up to greet it and wreathed about it; a black smoke swirled in the air. "Well," muttered Boromir(tm), "I guess we're way past subpoenas now." The shadow-thing burst into fire as it landed and yet remained unharmed. It's streaming mane of snow-white locks kindled and blazed behind it. In it's right hand it held a sword, like a stabbing tongue of fire; in its left it held a whip of many thongs. The thing was garbed all in red velvet and about it's head was a floppy red hat. Upon it's feet were two smoldering pink slippers. "IEYA!" wailed Lego-lass, "A Balrog! A Balrog is come! Nanna - Nanna hey, debush!!" Giggly stared with wide eyes. " 'Nanna-Nanna hey'?" He asked incredulously of the glistening elf-maid. "Yes, well.....I was taken aback, you see...", she mumbled. "A Balrog," said Gandalf, half to himself, "now I understand. This isn't about the Frodo's property at all. The Clause has arisen!" The dark figure streaming with fire raced towards them. "Eat your heart out. Look at those eyes!" Commented Aragon. "Eyes? What about *that*!" Lego-lass pointed to the great shadow that followed the panting Balrog. "Over the bridge!" shouted Gandalf, "All of you! This is a foe beyond us all. I must face it alone!" "But Gandalf!" Tittered Giggly. "Fly, you idiots!" The hobbits exchanged glances and Boromir(tm) said, "Eh?" The Balrog whirled his whip about him as he approached. The thongs struck many of the magnificent pillars of the hall setting them alight in his wake and fury. "Get out of here! Get out of Moira before it's too late!" Shouted Gandalf. "Ohhhh, I get it," mused Boromir(tm) to Sam, " 'Fly': to flee, to depart hastily." "You're *sure* you won't come with us?" returned Aragon. "Eru-dammit! Just do as I say!!" Gandalf whirled upon the company, his full wrath revealed to all. The group looked upon the quivering figure foaming at the mouth and slowly backed away. "Well, all right then," said Aragon, "if you're absolutely sure..." Gandalf stomped his feet in exasperation, "GO!!!" "Wait," said Sam, "what if we..." "IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE *NOW*, SAMWISE, YOU SHALL SEE GANDALF UNCLOAKED!!" "Ewwww." opined Lego-lass. "Okay, okay, keep your shirt on," said Aragon, "we're leaving." He mustered the others and shooed them towards the exit. Giggly, Boromir(tm), and the hobbits reached the foot of the stairs and turned. The Balrog reached the bridge with a nerve-shattering '''HO! HO! HO!" and all were frozen by that terrible aspect except Gandalf who advanced to the foot of the bridge from the company's side. Aragon waved Lego-lass to follow him and they approached to just behind Gandalf. The wizard drew out his sword which shone with a pure light. The enemy halted. It's slippers smoldered with a foul stench and wreathed the Balrog in a ghastly black vapor. The shadow poured behind it, like unto vast wings. Fire shot from its nostrils and it raised its whip on high. With a crack it sent the thongs flying across the bridge, setting a post beside Gandalf to flaming. He ducked out of the way, but held his ground. "Now that was entirely unprovoked," he mumbled. "Just look at those wings!" whispered Lego-lass. Aragon turned to the elf disapprovingly, "Eh?" he asked. "Well, see for yourself!" "I see naught but a shadow *like* unto wings," Aragon commented. "Besides, you ought to know better, being of elven kind." "Do not teach your betters, manling!" Reproached Lego-lass, ":I was there when the Balrogs flew -*Flew*- down upon us at -" they ducked as yet another post burst into flames beside them. "You cannot pass," Gandalf said to the Balrog. The goblins stood quite still and a dead silence fell save for the quiet arguing of Aragon and Lego-lass. Gandalf shouted, "I am a servant of the Secret Sauce..." "*Those* are wings!" insisted Lego-lass. "Utter nonsense! Just a shadow. Read your lore better, elf!" retorted Aragon. "...wielder of the flame of Arnor. You cannot pass!" Gandalf ducked again as yet another pillar was set alight by the passing of the Balrog's foul whip. "This flame war will not avail you, servant of Mattel..." "Look, " pointed the elf, "see how the wings flap behind him!" "Shadows dancing in the firelight," said Aragon who did not look. "...Go back to your bed! You cannot pass!" shouted Gandalf. "I know the histories as well as you!" "Obviously not!" "I WAS THERE!" "So? Shadow!" "Wings!" "You know, it's sad when a *mortal* knows your history better than one who 'was there'." "Now, just wait a minute!" By now the hall was filled with flaming posts and the Trolls chanted their vulgarities. From out of the shadow, the Balrog raised its fire-red sword. Gandalf's glittered white in return. There was a ringing clash and a stab of white fire. The Balrog fell back and its sword flew up in molten fragments. Gandalf staggered but remained standing. Far across the hallway they heard a high voice cry out, "No Gandalf!" High in the rafters, Arwen saw a slime and dust covered hobbit running across the hallway directly towards the goblins. She cursed her luck realizing he was oblivious to his peril in his panic flight towards the wizard. She gathered up the slack tether in her hands and bounded from her pillar. In a wide arc she swung, playing out the tether taughtly in her gloves which were fastly being eaten away by its passing. She picked her moment and swung round her legs as the arc came to apogee and snatched Pipsqueak by the collar as she swung back over the fire and the scrabbling hands of the goblins. Just as their flight brought them to the shoulder of the Balrog, Arwen loosed the tether and rolled mid-air over the fell beast and came down in a deep roll on the other side of the bridge holding tightly to the slimy and screaming Pipsqueak. When she looked up, Arwen found that all eyes were riveted on the Balrog except Aragon and Lego-lass who seemed deep in discussion. Pipsqueak fought free of Arwen's bosom and made hazily towards his beckoning companions at the far end of the chamber. Suddenly he came to himself and started about. "Gandalf?" he stumbled in the wizard's direction. "Wait, Pipsqueak!" the hobbits shouted after him from far down the hall. "Arwen stop him!" "Gandalf, don't do it!" cried Pipsqueak as he sped towards the wizard. Awen reached for the halfling, but the slime caused her grip to slip. "You cannot pass!" said Gandalf. The Balrog leapt up full upon the bridge and drew itself up to great height. Its wings spread from wall to wall... "See? Told you, manling!" "He's just being 'figurative'" ...its whip whirling, lighting the chamber with more flaming posts. "You're serious? You do not see its wings?" "Shhh! We're getting to the good bit!" "But-" "SHHH" Gandalf raised on high his staff and crying, smote the stone before him. The staff broke asunder. A blinding sheet of white light sprang up. "Gandalf!" at that moment, Pipsqueak barreled into the old wizard from behind holding desperately onto his knees. The bridge cracked. Right at the Balrog's fastly smoldering pink slippers it broke, and the stone upon which it stood crashed into the gulf. With a terrible cry of "HOOOooooooo", the Balrog and its shadow plunged down and vanished. Gandalf tried to whirl around at the shout of his name, but the impact of the hobbit combined with his turning sent Gandalf off his balance. "Oh, Gandalf! Don't do it!" cried Pipsqueak, letting go of the wizard's knees. The sudden release of his legs sent the wizard spinning back with his arms flailing helplessly for support. Gandalf fell backwards over the edge of the chasm with a cry. Pipsqueak blinked. "Alright, smart girl," pouted Aragon to Lego-lass, "If he's got wings why doesn't he fly out?" "Gandalf!" Pipsqueak sobbed down the chasm. "Fine!" said Lego-lass advancing to the pit. Aragon followed. Leaning over, the elf shouted down, "Gandalf! Does the Balrog have wings?" From the depths they heard the faint shout of the receding wizard, "Fly, you fool! Fly!" Boromir(tm) arrived panting. He had been deputized to find out what the hold up was. Close behind was the disheveled yet stunning Arwen. "Ah, well, there we are!" shrugged Lego-lass to Aragon. "What do you mean?" replied Aragon. "Gandalf just said it!" "No, he said 'Fly'. What does 'fly' mean?" "That the Balrog has wings! He told it to fly: to save them both, obviously!" "Hang on, " Aragon leaned over the pit and cupped his hands around his mouth. Before he could shout down to Gandalf he felt a tapping on his shoulder. He looked up into Arwen's blazing eyes. "I think he means us!" She pointed across the pit. There they saw the goblins summoning forth more trolls with posts to use as a bridge across the chasm. "Arwen?" said Aragon in astonishment. "Yes," Arwen beamed with affected cheerfulness, "Hi honey, I'm back!" Then with ferocity, "Now can we GO?!" Aragon looked back to the goblins beginning to cross the chasm. "Oh, right." and man and elf-maidens bolted towards the exit - Boromir(tm) scooped up Pipsqueak like so much dead-meat and ran after them. Up the stairs the company fled. Frodo heard Sam giggling beside him and realized he himself was tittering as he ran. Things were looking up. *Pah, Rum-pah pum-Pum* the drum-beats rolled behind, mournful now and slow; *Pum!* They ran on. Light grew before them and they saw the way out of the mountain held against them by two goblins bearing what looked suspiciously like subpoenas. Aragon cleaved the Captain in twain in his fury. He was wonderly wroth! The company swept past the other goblin, paying him no heed. Out of the gates they ran and sprang down the huge and age worn stairs. "Just you wait, halfling," whispered Boromir(tm) to his gently weeping burden. "I marked what you did at the bridge. Your lot will be hard indeed, and you *know* what I desire!" Fresh wails were the hobbit's only reply. At last, the company of the Ring came beyond hope under the sky and felt the wind on their faces. They did not halt until they were a goodly distance from the black mouth of the Gates of Moira, near the Dimrill Dale. They looked back and beheld the smoke rising from the mouth of Moira. Far beneath the earth rolled the slow drum-beats; *Pah, rum-pah pum-Pum*. Grief at last overcame some of the party, but where sat the hobbits, only feigned sighs of remorse were heard. Morrie eyed Pipsqueak cautiously. Yes, a great hurdle to Frodo's inheritance was gone. *Rum, pah-pum Pum*. The drum beats faded. But Aragon was still among them... _________________________________________________________